Thursday, October 27, 2016

Yeh Main Kese Chud Gai... Uff

Hello dosto, mera naam Riya hai. main apni friend ki shaadi main aai hui thi aur wahan jab sone gayi to ek anajaan ladke ne aakar mere saath jo kiya mujhe aaj bhi yakin nahi hota. kahin meri ghalti bhi thi.

main soi hui thi k kisi ne mujhe touch kiya. main ekdam chaunk padi. abhi kuchh bolati hi ki ek haath aakar mere munh par baith gaya. kaan mein koi phusaphusaaya – ’jaaneman, main hoon, tarun. kitni der se tumhaara intzaar kar raha tha.”

main chup. tarun, wohi smaart-sa chhora jo larkiyon ke bohat aage pichhe kar raha tha. main dam saadhe leti rahi. kamare ke andhere mein woh mujhe mona samajh raha hai.

”mujhe yakin tha ki tum aaogi. ek ek pal pahaad sa bit raha tha tumhaare intzaar mein. tumane mujhe kitna tadapaaya.”

mera kaleja joron se dhadak raha tha. kuchh bolana chaahati thi magar bol nahi phoot rahe the. mona gupachup yah kisake saath chakkar chala rahi hai?. mujhe to woh kuchh bataati nahi thi! mere saamane to woh badi abodh aur kadi banati thi. is kamare mein aaj use sona tha. magar woh doolhe ko dekhne mandap chali gai thi. mujhe neend aa rahi thi aur raat zyada ho rahi thi. is liye usi ke kamare mein aakar so gai thi. chaadar dhanke bistar par dusra kaun so raha hai dekha nahi. socha koi hogi. shaadi ke ghar mein kaun kahaan soega nishchit nahi rehta. abhi leti hi thi ki yah ghatna.

“mona jaaneman, tum kitni achhi ho jo aa gai.” usaka haath abhi bhi mera munh band kie tha. “aai love you.” usane mere kaan mein munh ghusaakar choom liya. chumban ki aavaaj sir se paanv tak poore badan mein goonj gai. main bahari-si ho gai. kaleja itni jor dhadak raha tha ki uchhalakar baahar aa jaega. man ho raha tha abhi hi use thelakar baahar nikal jaoon. magar dar aur ghabaraahat ke maare chupachaap leti rahi.

woh meri chuppi ko svikrti samajh raha tha. usaka haath mere munh par se hat gaya. usane apni chaadar badhaakar mujhe andar samet liya aur apne badan se sata liya. uske sine par mere dil ki ghadakan hathaude ki tarah bajane lagi. “baap re kitni jor se dhadak raha hai.” usane maanon khud se hi kaha. mujhe aashvast karne ke lie usane mujhe aur jor se kas liya. “jaaneman aai love you, aai love you. ghabarao mat.”

mera man kah raha tha riya, abhi samay hai, chhudao khud ko aur baahar nikal jao. shor macha do. tab yah samajhega ki chupachup larki ko chhedane ka kya natija hota hai. shaadi atend karne aaya hai ya yah sab karne! magar ab usase jor lagaakar chhudaane ke lie himmat chaahie thi. ek taraf nikal jaane ka man ho raha tha doosari taraf yah bhi lag raha tha ki dekhoon aage kya karta hain. dar, ghabaraahat aur utsukata ke maare main jad ho rahi.

usaka haath meri pith par ghoom raha tha. gaalon par uski garm saansen jal rahi thin. mujhe pehli baar kisi purush ki saans ki gandh lagi. woh mujhe ajib si lagi. haalaanki usamen kuchh bhi nahi tha. par woh mujhe woh buri bhi nahi lagi. woh meri kinkartavyamoodhata ka phaayada utha raha tha aur mujhe aashchary ho raha tha ki main kuchh kar kyon nahi rahi! mujhe use turant dhakka dekar baahar nikal jaana chaahie tha aur uski karatoot ki achhi saja deni chaahie thi. mainne soch liya ab aur nahi rukoongi. main chhootane ke lie jor lagaane lagi. ab chillaane hi vaali thi … ki tabhi uske honth dhoondhate hue aakar mere munh par jam gae. main kuchh bolana chaah rahi thi aur woh mere khulate munh mein se meri saansen khinchate mujhe choom raha tha. meri taakat dhili padane lagi. dam ghutane laga. mujhe nikalana tha magar lag raha tha main uski girapht mein aati ja rahi hoon. mere dono haath uske haathon ke niche dabe kamajor padane lage. main chhootana chaahati thi magar avash ho rahi thi.

usaka haath pichhe meri pith par bra ke phite se khel raha tha. kab usane pichhe mere phrok ki jip khol di thi mujhe pata nahi chala. usaka haath meri nangi pith par ghoom raha tha aur bra ke phite se takara raha tha. pehli baar kisi purush ki hatheli ka ek rookha aur taakat bhara sparsh . main jad rahakar apne ko aprabhaavit rakhana chaah rahi thi magar uske ghoomate haathon ka sahalaav aur badan par baanhon ke bandhan ka kasaav mujhe alag rehny nahi de rahe the. mujhe yah sab bohat bura lag raha tha magar asvikaary bhi nahi. main soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki kabhi yah sab main apne saath hone doongi. magar …

woh mere bra ke phite ko kholane ki koshish kar raha tha magar huk khul nahi raha tha. besabr hokar usane dono taraf phiton ko jor se jhatake se khinch diya. huk toot gaya aur phite alag ho gae. mujhe apne bagalon aur chhaati par dhilepan ka, mukti ka ehasaas hua. mainne ek saans bhari.

abhi to woh bas pith chhookar hi paagal ho raha tha. aage kya hoga!

yai main kissai chhud gayi strangair saix storyais
vo kaun tha? main kaun thi??

uske honth mere honthon se utarakar gale par aa rahe the. uske saanson ki sondhi gandh door chali gai. woh phraak ko kandhon par se chhilane ki koshish kar raha tha. meri ek baanh phraak se baahar nikaal kar usane use mere sir ke upar utha diya aur us haath ko upar se sahalaate hue niche utarakar mere bagal ko hatheli mein bhar liya. garm aur gili kaankh par usaka bhara bhara kasaav maadak lag raha tha. mujhse alag raha nahi ja raha tha. pehli saphalata se utsaahit hokar usane mujhe baanhon mein lapete hue hi thoda doosare karwat par liya aur thodi koshish se phraak ki doosari baanh bhi baahar nikaal di. mere dono haathon ko upar uthaakar usane apne haathon mein baandh liya aur mere bagalon ko choomne laga. uske garm namakin pasine ko choosne chaatny laga. uski is harakat par mujhe ghin aai magar mujhe gudagudi ho rahi thi aur nasha-sa bhi aa raha tha. mujhe nahi maaloom tha ki bagalon ka choomana itna maadak ho sakata hai. mainne haath chhudaane ki koshish band kar di. meri saasen tezz hone lagin. woh khushi se bhar gaya. use yakin ho gaya ki ab main virodh nahi karoongi. usane mujhe sahaara dekar bithaaya aur phraak sir ke upar khinch liya. bra meri chhaati par jhool gai. usane uske phite kandhon par se sarakaakar bra ko nikaalana chaaha magar mainne stanon ko haathon se daba liya. haathon par bra ke niche mujhe apni choochiyon ki chubhan mahasoos hui. meri choochiyaan tight hokar hokar khadi ho gai thin. main sharm se gad gai.

usane mujhe dheere dheere lita diya. mere haath chhaatiyon par dabe rahe. woh ab upar se hi mere chhaatiyon par dabe haathon ko aur upar niche ki khuli jagah ko idhar se udhar se choomne laga. dabakar mere ubhaaron ka nichala hissa haathon ke niche thoda baahar nikal aaya tha. usane usamen halake se daant gada diya. chubhan ke dard ke saath ek ganaganaahat badan mein daud gai aur chhaatiyon par haathon ka dabaav thahar nahi saka. tabhi usane bra niche se khich li aur mere haathon ko sidha kar diya. ab main kamar ke upar bilkul nangi thi. ganimat thi ki andhera tha aur woh mujhe dekh nahi sakata tha. uske haath meri chhaatiyon par ghoom rahe the. usane choochiyon ko chutakiyon mein pakad liya aur halake se masal diya. main karaah uthi. aah, ye kya ho raha hai! yah sab itna vihval kar dene wala kyon hai! usane jhukakar mere munh par choom liya. mujhe uske hothon par apne bagalon ke namakin pasine ka svaad aaya. mainne uske hothon ko chaat liya. woh meri is natakhat harakat par hansa aur tadaatad kai chumban jad diye.

woh ab niche utara aur meri ek choochi ko munh mein bharakar choosne laga. main ganagana uthi. ek kshan ke lie woh ek bachy ka sa khayaal mere man mein ghoom gaya aur mainne usaka sir apne stan par daba liya. lag raha tha choochiyon se tarangen uthakar saare badan mein daud rahi hain. woh kabhi ek nipul ko choosata kabhi doosare ko. munh ke hantate hi us nipul par thandak lagti aur usi samay doosari choochi par garmaahat aur honthon ke kasaav ka ehasaas milata. main apne jaanghon ko aapas mein ragadane lagi. meri jor se chalati saanson se upar niche hoti chhaatiyaan maanon khud hi use uth uthakar bula rahi thin.

ab woh meri naabhi ko choom raha tha. maanon uske chhote se chhed ke bhitar se kisi ko bula raha ho. ichha ho rahi thi wohi se use apne bhitar utaar loon. apne bohat bhitar, garbh ke andar mein surakshit rakh loon. mujhe ekaek bhitar bohat khaali sa laga – aao, mujhe bhar do. usane bina bhay ke meri shaloveaar ki dori khinch li aur dhili shaloveaar ke bhitar haath daal kar mere phoole ubhaar ko dabaane laga. meri painti gili ho rahi thi. usane painti ke upar se bhitar ke kataav ko fingeryon se tres kiya aur kataav ki lambai par finger rakh kar bhitar daba diya. main sihar uthi. badan mein bijali ki tarangen daud rahi thin. ab usane painti ke bhitar haath ghuseda aur mere chapachapaate rasabhare kataav mein finger ghumaane laga. finger ghumaate ghumaate usane shikhar par siharati nanhin kali ko jor se dabaakar masal diya. main oh oh kar ho uthi. meri kali uski finger ke niche machhali si bichhal rahi thi. main apne nitamb uchakaane lagi. usane ek finger meri chhed ke bhitar ghusa di aur ek se woh meri kali ko dabaane laga. chhed ke andar ki divaaron ko woh jor jor se sahala raha tha. ab uski harakaton me komalata samaapt hoti ja rahi thi. badan par choontiyaan reng rahi thin. lagata tha tarangon par tarangen utha uthaakar mujhe uchhaal rahi hain. yoni mein fingeryaan chubhalaate hue usane doosare haath se mere uthate girate nitambon ke niche se shaloveaar khisaka di. uske baad painti ko bhi baari baari se kamar se dono taraf se khisakaate hue nitambon se niche saraka diya. fingeryaan mere andar lagaataar chalaate hue usane meri painti bhi khinchakar taangon se baahar kar di. kahaan to mainne use apne stan ughaadane nahi diya tha kahaan ab main khud apni yoni kholane mein sahayog de rahi thi. main chaadar ke bhitar maadarajaad nangi thi.

ab mujhe lag raha tha woh aaega. main taiyaar thi. magar woh deri karke mujhe tadapa raha tha. woh mujhe choomate hue niche khisak raha tha. naabhi se niche. koolhon ki hadidayon ke bich, narm maans par. wahan usane haule se daant gada die. main paagal ho rahi thi. woh aur niche khisaka. niche ke baalon ki shurooaat par. are udhar kahaan. mainne rokana chaaha. magar virodh ki sambhaavana kahaan thi. sahana mushkil ho raha tha. woh un baalon ko chaat raha tha aur bich bich mein unhen munh mein lekar daanton se khinch raha tha. phir usane poore ubhaar ke maans ko hi munh pharkar bhitar lete hue usamen daant gada diye. mere munh se sisakaari nikal gai. dard aur pida ki lahar ek saath. oh oh. are yah kya! mujhe kataav ke shikhar par uski sarakati zubaan ka ehasaas hua. mainne jaanghon ko sataakar use rokana chaaha. magar woh mere virodh ki kamajori ko jaanata tha. usane kuchh jor nahi lagaaya, sirph thahar gaya. mainne khud hi apni taangen phaila di. woh meri phaank ko chaatny laga. kabhi woh use choosata kabhi chaatata. kabhi zubaan ki nok nukili aur kadi qarake kataav ke andar ghusaakar upar se niche tak jutai karta. kabhi zubaan saanp ki tarah sarakati kabhi daba daba kar apni khuradari satah se sares ki tarah ragadati. uske tarakas mein tiron ki kami nahi thi. pata nahi kis kis tarah se woh mujhe paagal aur uttezzit kie ja raha tha. abhi vo zubaan chaudi karke poore kataav ko dhakate hue usamen utarakar chaat raha tha. mere dono taraf ke honth phailakar santare ki phaank ki tarah phool gae the. woh unhen baari baari se munh mein khinchakar choos raha tha. unamen apne daant gada raha tha. daant ke gadaav se dard aur dard par umadati aanand ki lahar mein main pachhaad kha rahi thi. mera ras bah bah kar nikal raha tha. usane meri tharatharaati nanhin kali ko hothon mein kas liya aur use kabhi woh daanton se, kabhi honthon se kuchalate hue jor jor se khinch khinchakar choosne laga. mai aape se baahar ho uthi. aah! aah! aah! are? are? are? …… ja… ja… ja…. main baandh ki tarah phoot padi. sadiyon se jami hui deh maanon dharati ki tarah bhookamp mein hichakole khaane lagi. usane fingeryon se khinch kar chhed ko dono taraf se phaila diya aur usamen bhitar munh op kar mera ras peeny laga. kunaari deh ki pehli rasadhaar. sookhi dharati par pehli baarish si. woh yoni ke bhitar zubaan ghusaakar ghuma ghumaakar chaat raha tha. maanon kahin us anamol ras ki ek boond bhi nahi chhodana chaahata ho. main achet ho gai.

kuchh der baad jab mujhe hosh aaya to mainne apne par usaka vajan mahasoos kiya. mainne haathon se tatola. woh mujhapar chadha hua tha. meri haathon ki harakat se use mere hosh mein aane ka pata chala. usane mere munh par apna munh rakh diya. ek tikhi gandh mere nathunon mein bhar gai. uske hothon par mera lisalisa ras laga tha. mainne khud ko chakha. ek ajib sa svaad tha – namakin, tikha, behad chikana. main uske gandh mein doob gai. usane saraabor hokar mujhe piya tha. koi hichak nahi dikhai thi ki us jagah par kaise munh le jae. mera ek ek por uske lie pyaar ke laayak tha. ek krtagyata se main bhar uthi. mainne khud use vibhor hokar chooma aur uske hothon ko, gaalon ko agal bagal sabhi ko chaat kar saaf kar diya. andhere mein mainne khud ko uske hawali kar diya tha. mujhe koi duvidha nahi thi. woh mujhe mona samajhakar kar raha tha. main usaka aanand bina kisi dar ke le rahi thi. mainne use baanhon mein kas liya.

aur tab mujhe pata chala ki meri jaanghon par koi moti chij gad rahi hai. jaanghon ke bich idhar udhar phisalati hui kuchh khoj rahi hai. phir woh mere daraar mein utari aur woho ke chikane ras mein phisalakar dabaav mein ekdam niche utarakar guda ke chhed par dastak de gai. mere bhitar chetaavani daud gai. ab aage badhane mein khatara hai. ab woh asali kaam par aa gaya tha. woh ghatna jiska har larki apne yauvan mein viwah tak intzaar karti hai aur jise sirph apne pati ke lie bachaakar rakhana chaahati hai. abatak jo hua tha woh ek edavenchar ke roop mein liya ja sakata tha. magar ab isake baad jo hoga usaka adhikaar sirph mere tan man ke svaami ko hi tha. jise main sapnon ke raajakumaar ko arpit karna chaahati thi. magar rokana kaise ho. abatak jo hua hai uske baad use kis tarah rokoon. main sampoorn nirvastr thi. usane na keval keval mere badan ko chhua tha balki uske rahasy ki antim sima tak gaya tha aur mere sabse gupt ang mein munh ghusaakar mere pehli baar phoote kunaare rasako bhi piya tha, jiska svaad isake pehle mainne bhi nahi jaana tha. woh mujhapar chhaaya hua tha. main uske niche dhanki thi. kudarat ab mujhse apna hissa maang rahi thi jisake lie usane mujhe janm ke baad se hi taiyaar kiya tha. usaka shishn dhoondh raha tha. meri yoni bhi usase milane ko bekaraar thi, mujhe aage badhane ke lie thel rahi thi. . mainne andhere ko ot dene ke lie dhanyavaad diya. wohi meri madad kar raha tha. mainne sanyam ki lagaam chhod di. niyati ka ghoda jidhar le jae.

woh thoda upar utha aur mujhapar se niche utara. usane mere paanv ghutanon se mod diye aur ghutanon ko kitaab ke pannon ki tarah phaila diya. gantavy ko tatola. ling ko haath se pakadakar chhed ke munh par laaya. wahan usane upar niche ragadakar ras mein achhi tarah bhingoya. main dam saadhe pratikshaarat thi. kya karta hai. mere pairon ke panje mere nitambon ke paas namaskaar ki mudra mein jude the. woh ling ke munh ko mere chhed par laakar tikaaya aur halke se thela. tab mujhe uske thoothan ke motepan ka pata chala aur main dar gai. itna mota mere chhote chhed ke andar kaise jaega? mere chhed ka munh phaila aur usapar aakar usaka shishn tik gaya. ab uske idhar udhar phisal jaane ka dar nahi tha. shishn ko wohi tikae usane haath hataaya aur mere upar jhuk gaya. mere bagalon ke niche haath ghusaakar usane mere kanghon ko upar se jakad liya. uske vajan se hi shishn andar dhansane laga.

ab main ja rahi thi. lut rahi thi. chor mera sabse anamol mere haathon se hi dheere dheere chhin raha tha. mere raajinaame ke saath. aur main kuchh nahi kar rahi thi. virodh nahi karke use chhinane mein madad kar rahi thi. andhera mujhe lut jaane ke lie prerit kar raha tha. kise pata chalega? phir praablam kya hai? rukana kis lie? andhera meri ichha ke virudhd meri madad kar mujhe chhal raha tha. andhera use bhi chhal raha tha kyonki main uski mona nahi thi, magar uski madad bhi kar raha tha kyonki usane mujhe nishchint karke mujhako use upalabdh kara diya tha. kanwari larki ki sabse anamol chij. kitni badi bhent woh anajaane mein pa raha tha ! jaanate hue mein kya main use haath bhi lagaane deti! haath lagaana to door apne se baat karne ke lie bhi tarasaati. magar anajaana honepar main kya kar rahi thi. woh mera kaumaary bhang kar raha tha aur main sahayog kar rahi thi.

usaka ling meri yoni ke munh par dastak de raha tha.

ek ghakka laga aur usaka shishn thoda aur bhitar dhans gaya. chhed maano khinchakar phatane lagi. main dard se bilabila uthi. jor lagaakar use hataana chaaha magar khud ko chhuda nahi pai. upar woh mujhe kandhon se jakade hue tha aur niche mere pairon ko modakar saamane se apne pairon se chaanpe tha. chhootati kis tarah! usane aur jor se dabaaya. aah, main mar jaungi. shishn ki moti gardan kil ki tarah chhed mein dhans gai. woh thahar gaya. shaayad chhed ko phailane ke lie samay de raha tha. mainne use bagalon se pakadakar thelakar chhudaane ki koshish ki. magar saphalata nahi mili. woh kasakar mujhe jakade tha. koi upaay nahi. koi sahaayata nahi. buri tarah phansi hui thi.

woh usi dasha mein ruka tha. kuchh der mein yoni ke khinchaav ka dard kuchh kam hone laga. halki si raahat mili. jhel paane ki himmat bandhi. magar tabhi ek joradaar dhakka aaya aur dhakke ke jor se mera saara badan upar thela gaya. shishn mujhe lagabhug phaadate hue mere andar ghus gaya. main dard se chikh uthi magar usane mera munh band kar aavaaj andar hi ghont di. woh beraham ho raha tha. laga aaj woh mujhe maar hi daalega. jis tarah kulhaadi lakadi ko phaadati hai usi tarah main phati ja rahi thi. woh mujhe chhatapataane bhi nahi de raha tha. har taraf se jakade tha. munh par haath dabae tha aur niche dono paanv jude hue uske pairon se mere nitambon par dabe the. upar se kandhe jakade tha. hilana bhi mushkil tha. ab woh koi daya dikhaane ko taiyaar nahi tha. chhed par apna davaab badhaata ja raha tha. kil dheere dheere mujhamen thukati ja rahi thi. shishn mere kafi andar ghus chuka tha. yoni ke chikane gilepan mein woh bhitar sarakata hi ja raha tha. main dard se vyaakul ho rahi thi. nashtar ki ek dhaar mujhe chirati ja rahi thi. chhod do chhod do. magar munh bandhe jaanavar ki tarah meri um… um…. ki aavaaj bhitar hi ghut rahi thi.

us surang mein sarakate hue usaka shishn maano kisi rukaavat se takaraaya. koi chij divaar ki tarah usaka raasta rok rahi thi. woh chij uske nonk ke dabaav mein khinchati hui bhi aage badhane nahi de rahi thi. mere bhitar maanon phata ja raha tha. usane berahami se aur jor lagaaya. bhitar ka parda maanon phatane laga. dard ki intaha ho gai. mainne jaanghen bhinch lin. kis tarah chhudaoon. kai taraf se jor lagaaya. magar kuchh kar nahi pai. rassi se bandhe bakare ki tarah halaal ho rahi thi. vivashata mein ro padi. sirph jaanghon ko bhinchakar khud ko bachaane ki koshish kar rahi thi. magar jaangh to phaile the. bhinchane ki koshish mein chhed aur sakht ho rahi thi, usase aur pida ho rahi thi.

shaayad use mujhapar taras aaya. usane mere bahate aansuon par apne hont rakh die. mujhe us dard mein bhi usapar daya aai. yah aadami phir bhi kroor nahi hai. mera dard samajh raha hai. usane saare aansoo choos liye. meri band palakon par zubaan phiraakar unhen bhi sukha diya. kaisa virodhaabhaas tha! niche se ling ki kathor, jaan nikaal denevaali kroorata, upar se uski zubaan ka komal sahaanubhootibhara saantvanaadaayi pyaar. usane mere chidiya ki tarah adhakhule munh par baar baar chumban ki muhar lagai. phir thuddi ko, gale ko, kolar ki haddi ko choomata hua niche utara aur pratiksha mein phuraphuraati meri bain choochi ko honthon mein andar garm ghere mein le liya. phir mere daen kandhe ke niche se haath nikaal kar meri pratikshaarata doosari choochi ko chutaki mein pakadakar masalane laga. niche tadatadaahat ke dard ke baavajood aanand ki laharen mujhamen daudane lagin. ek taraf dard aur doosare taraf aanand ki lahar. kidhar jaoon! ek tadapa rahi thi, doosari lalacha rahi thi. kuchh kshan aanand ke hichakole mujhe jhulaate rahe aur un hichakolon mein chubhan ki pida bhi kuchh madhdim hoti si pratit hui. haalaanki woh mujhamen utana hi ghusa hua tha.

“mona aai love you… aai love you ….” woh niche choochiyon ko choosate hue wohi se budabudaaya. ‘mona!’ haan, main riya nahi mona thi. uske lie mona. sanvedanon ki tezz sanasanaahat mein main bhool gai thi ki main mona nahi riya thi. woh itna pyaar mujhapar barasa raha tha koi aur samajhakar. mujhe pachhataava hua. ichha hui use bata doon. magar aanand aur dard ki laharon mein yah khayaal mujhe nirarthak laga. jo kuchh main bhog rahi thi, jo aanand, jo dard mujhe mil raha tha usamen isase kya phark padata tha main kaun hoon. woh bhogana hi tha. woh stri deh ki anivaary niyati thi. koi aur raah nahi thi. niche us anajaan atithi ko meri yoni apni pahachaan ke ras mein dubokar bhitar bula hi chuki thi. ab kya baaki raha tha?

aur tabhi onkhon ke aage chinagaariyaan si chhootin aur main besamhaal uthi dard ki lahar mein behosh si ho gai. ‘dhachaak’..! usane shishn ko thoda baahar khincha tha. mainne socha woh hamadardi mein aisa kar raha hai, is liye dhili padi thi. magar tabhi ek behad jor ka dhakka laga aur meri onkhon ke aage taare naach gae. woh mujhe phaadate hue mujhamen daakhil ho gaya. main khud ko bhinch bhi nahi pai thi ki use rok sakoon. meri saans ruk gai. main bilabila uthi. aa .. .. .... ha ….. aa .. .. .. ha ….. chhodo mujhe, chhodon mujhe … woh jaise thahar kar meri chhatapataahat ka aanand le raha tha. koi daya nahi. shikaari jaise apne shikaar ko tadapate dekh raha tha. magar usane mujhe dard ki lahar se ubarane ka mauka nahi diya. abhi thik se saans lene bhi nahi pai thi ki dusra vaar hua. ek aur jor ka dhakka aaya aur woh ek garm salaakh ki tarah mujhamen jad tak dhans gaya. mera kaleja munh ko aa gaya. usaka chhor maano mere kaleje tak ghus gaya tha.

kil poori tarah thuk chuki thi aur usamen bhidakar mera kaumaary ek titali ki bhaanti tadap tadapakar dam tod chuka tha, khatm ho chuka tha. ab woh kabhi wapis nahi laut sakata tha. is jivan mein ab kabhi nahi. main glaani se bhar uthi. jo itna anamol, itna sahejakar rakha tha use youn hi saste mein bina mol ke hi kho diya tha. use kabhi wapis nahi pa sakoongi. mujhe bohat kasakar apni behad kimati chij ke kho jaane ka ehasaas hua. main phaphak padi.

”daarling, ho gaya, bas… bas, itna hi.” woh mujhe saantvana dene ki koshish kar raha tha. ‘itna hi!’ yah kya kam hai? ”ab aur kuchh nahi hoga. bas itna hi sahana tha.” woh mujhe sahalaane laga tha – kandhon ko, bagalon ko, narm chhaatiyon ko. ”pehli baar thoda sahana padata hai. isake baad kabhi dard nahi hoga.” aashvaasan ka maraham lagaakar us dard ko shaant karne ki koshish kar raha tha jo meri jaanghon ke jod se bohat bhitar marm tak dahakati aag jaisi jalan se utpann ho raha tha. usaka haath bohat haule haule ghoom raha tha, masalane se dukh rahi naajuk choochiyon par, tezz saans mein upar niche hote narm pet par, uske niche dhadakate phoole maansal pedoo par. woh saantvana de raha tha – jaanghon par, ghutanon par, pairon par, komal taloveon par, wahan se utar kar sankari kamar par, upar kramash: chaude hote dhad par. har jagah ghoomata hua woh maano mera dard khinch raha tha.

saantvana ki sahalaahaten, sparsh, aashvaasan barasaate chumban dheere dheere asar kar rahe the. us aag ki jalan kuchh kuchh ghat rahi thi. haalaanki dard ab bhi bohat tha. magar uske pyaar ka bal paakar sahane ki taakat aa rahi thi. bilkul aurat ki tarah jo mard ke pyaar ke bal par bade bade dard sah jaati hai. main ab aurat ban gai thi. magar kya woh mera mard tha?

ek diya-sa jal raha tha. main jal rahi thi. jalan mere jaanghon ke bich ho rahi thi jahaan uski vijay pataaka poore josh se phahara rahi thi jiska khambha mere garbh tak bedhata hua gada hua tha. main uski aarati mein die-si asahaay jal rahi thi. haari hui, vivash jalan. jalan mere bhitar ho rahi thi. haalaanki yoni ki jalan ab ghat rahi thi. isamen usaka dosh nahi tha, mainne khud ise chuna tha, mona banakar.

usaka shishn mere bhitar hila. is baar dard nahi hua. woh thoda baahar nikala aur phir bina kisi khaas baadha ke ghus gaya. garbh ke munh par dastak padi. darakar phir mainne saans rok li. magar kuchh khaas dard nahi hua. woh kuchh thaharakar phir thoda baahar saraka. pehle se zyada. uske saath uske ling par kasi meri yoni ki divaaren baahar ki or khinch gai. meri bhitari komal nitambon par dabaav pada aur woh mota shishn mere andar ragadata hua phir bhitar paith gaya. ab meri yoni phail rahi thi. woh dheere dheere dhakke dene laga. is baar dard thoda kam hua. mera bhay ghata. ab sah sakoongi. dheere dheere dhakkon ka jor badhane laga. usaka shishn meri pichhal surang mein jor jor ragadata phisalane laga. woh baahar bhitar ho raha tha aur yoni ke sankuchan ki rahi sahi saloveaten mita raha tha. main sah rahi thi. pehli baar phaili yoni ki tadatadaahat barakaraar thi. phir bhi uske dhiraj aur komalata se pesh aane par mujhe daya aai. sahaanubhooti mein hi mainne uske dhakke se milane ke lie apne nitamb uchakae. woh utsaah se bhar gaya. aur jor jor dhakke lagaane laga. meri yoni mein dard ke bich bhi aanand ki halki tarangen uthane lagi. woh aur jor jor se dhakke maarane laga. usaka shishn mere chhed ke munh tak aata aur phir sarasaraakar bhitar ghus jaata. jab baahar nikalata to raahat milati aur bhitar jaata to dard hota, haalaanki pehli baar ki tarah asahy nahi.

woh haanph raha tha. uske badan par ghoomate mere haath uske pasine se gile ho rahe the. woh jor jor se dhakke maar raha tha. main bhi haanph rahi thi. dard ko bhulaane ke lie kabhi uski pith par haath patakati, kabhi nitamb uchakaati. ise woh mera maza aana samajh raha tha. woh aur sakriy hua, aur jaldi jaldi karne laga. uske munh se ek ghuti-si karaah nikali … aa .. … ha … aur usane mujhe jor se bhinch liya. kasaav mein meri haddiyaan chatakhane lagin. mujhe apne bhitar uske shishn ke jhatake se phailane-sikudane ka ehasaas hua. har jhatake mein mere bhitar ek garm laava-sa bharane laga. aa .. .. .. ha … o ........ha… woh discharge ho raha tha aur mere bhitar uski garm dhaar bharti ja rahi thi. woh mujhamen baar baar discharge ho raha tha. baadh ki tarah usane mujhe bhar diya. us garm dhaar mein meri yoni, mera phoola pedoo bhing gae. aasapaas ke baal bhingakar chamadi mein chipak gae. mujhe bhi discharge hoane ki zaroorat mahasoos ho rahi thi. magar dard bhi ho raha tha. pehli baar hone ka dard. mainne use sahalaaya aur phir uske munh ko choom liya. pata nahi kyon mujhe ek krtagyata-si mahasoos hui, haalaanki usane chor ki tarah chhupakar mujhe vivash karke mera shil bhang kiya tha. magar phir bhi mainne uski dhaar mein pahala snaan kiya tha.

woh utha. labaalab bhari yoni se bahate lisalise drav ko chhed par se, daraar mein se, niche guda ke chhed par se, upar choot par se ponchha aur mujhapar se utar gaya. mainne bhi apni painti, apni shaloveaar khinchi aur bra aur phrok ko tatolakar uthaaya aur baatharoom mein chali gai. ab sab kuchh samaapt ho gaya tha.

baatharoom ki roshani mein mujhe shaloveaar par aur phraak par khoon ke dhabbe nazar aae.

dho ponchhakar jab nikali to mainne andhere mein hi bistar par uski aahat lene ki koshish ki. gahari saanson ke aane jaane ki aavaaj aa rahi thi. woh so raha tha. achha hai. jab mona sone aaegi to samajhegi. main darwaza kholakar baahar nikal gai.

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