Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Intzaar Main Bechain (by Sajida)

Uske haath mere badan par se utre aur mujhe ek thar-tharahat si hui. Mujhe uska apni ungliyon se mujhe chhoone ka ehsaas hua, bilkul halke se, jaise ke who mujhe chhoo hi nahi raha hai lekin phir bhi jaise meri aatma ko chhoo raha hai.


Aisa lag raha tha ki har baar jab uski ungliyaan mujhe chhootien, mere payr khud-ba-khud thoda sa khul jaate. Mujhe ye ehsaas ho raha tha ki main apna badan uski taraf badha rahi thi, uski taraf apni khuli hui chhooth bata rahi thi ki jaise mujhe usko dikhaana hai.

Woh mujhe baar baar choo raha tha aur main apne aap ko uski taraf badha rahi thi, uske choone ki khwahish mujhme daud rahi thi, uski chhooan ki tadap mujhme aag laga rahi thi.

Mere haath un rassiyon ko kheench rahe they jin se woh palang ke konon ko bandhe hue they. Meri aankhon par patti bandhi hui thi jiske neechey se main roshni ke liye taras rahi thi, lekin mujhe kuchh nazar nahi aa raha tha. Maine apne payr hilane ki koshish ki lekin un rassiyon ki taqat kea age jhuk gayi jin se who bandhe they. Sab kuchh badi saqti se bandha hua tha. Woh mujhe is tarha baandhne mein, is tarha chhedne mein bada maahir tha. Mera yeh sonchna ke yeh zulm jald hi khatam ho jayegaa, bada ghalat tha.

Mere honton se ek awaaz nikli jab usne apni ungliyaan mere badan par se hata lee, mere kaan uske khadmon ki awaaz ke liye taras gaye jab who palang ke atraaf chalne laga, doosri taraf aane ke liye. Maine sochne ki koshish ki ke uski agli chaal kya hogi, lekin mujhe pata nahi chal saka. Har baar woh mujhe chaunka deta hai, kuchh naya karke. Kabhi pichhli baar jaisa nahi hota, lekin hameshaa pichhli baar jaisa mujhe pagal kar jaata tha.

Mere zehen mein uske khadamon ki aahat goonj rahi thi, woh kamre ki us taraf gaya aur mujhe ek drawer khulne ki aawaaz aayee. Mere dil ko dhadka laga jab maine socha ke woh drawer mein se kya nikaal raha hoga. Hum apne hilone us drawer mein rakhte hain, rassiyan, aankhon aur moonh par baandhne ki pattiyan. Aur usmein kuchh aisi cheezein bhi thi jis se woh mujhe dard pahuncha sakta tha, halke se, jaise mujhe pasand hai. Mujhe ek halki si awaaz sunai di ki jaise woh kuchh cheez dhoond raha tha drawer mein. Phir woh drawer band ho gaya aur woh meri taraf wapas aa gaya .

Maine use apni fikr bataane ki koshish ki. Main apne bandhanon se nikane ki koshish kar rahi thi, chaadar mere neeche masal rahi thi, apna chehraa takiye par ghass rahi thi ke shayad aankhon par ki patti thodi si dheeli ho aur main dekh paaon ke uske haath mein kya hai. Usne apni zabaan se ek halki si awaaz nikaali, mujhe ye ishaara kiya ke main khamosh ho jaaon aur main chupke se palang par gir gayee.

Meri saanson ke saath mera seena upar neeche hil raha tha, woh paas mein khada tha, bina hile. Maine apna badan palang se ghasne ki koshish ki, mere badan mein ek thar-tharahat si hui aur mujhe aisa laga ki jaise wo saare ehsaasaath kahin mere andar ek jagah par mil gaya hai, ek sangam par. Mera badan khud-ba-khud uski taraf uth gaya ke jaise main use uski khushi ke liye apni adayen pesh kar rahi thi.

Woh dheere se hasa, aur mere atraaf se chal kar doosri taraf aaya.

Maine apni ungliyan khloi phir band kar leen un rassiyon ke atraaf jin se mere haath bandhe hue they aur maine apne aap ko tasalli dene ki koshish ki. Is bebasi mein bahut aasaan tha apne aap ko khaaboo mein na rakh paaoon, in ehsaason mein kho jaaoon. Lekin maine apni kuchh izzat bachaye rakhne ki koshish ki, ke main na hiloon jab tak ke woh yeh sonch na le ke woh mere saath kya karegaa.

Mere dabe hue honton se ek awaaz nikli, ek awaaz jo bilkul jaanwaron jaisi thi. Mere chehra sharm se laal ho gaya use sunte hi. Mujhe bilkul umeed nahi thi ki aisa hogaa, bada achanak hi hua, mere khud ke liye bhi. Mere dimaagh mein uka muskuraata hua chehraa dikhaai diya, use pata tha ki uska mere badan par poora poora khaaboo tha.

Kuchh cheez meri twacha ko chu gayee aur mein bilkul dang reh gayee, takhreeban palang se uchhal gayee, saara badan uski taraf uth gaya . Usne leather ko meri peeth par se neeche kheencha, ek hi halke se jhatke mein – jaise ki pehle apni ungliyon se liya tha. Pori neeche le jaane ke baad phir wapas meri peeth par se usne use meri gardan par la diya.

Main ne apna sar palang mein dabaa diya take woh meri garden par aur acchhe se chhoo sake. Usne woh chhote chhote leather ke tukdon se meri gardan par gudgulee ki, mere chechre par ek muskan aa gayee, lekin phir usne woh hata liya.

Usne zor se mujh par us leather ke dande se mara, mujhe uski awaaz aayee, lekin itna waqt nahi tha ki main apne aap ko uske liye tayaar kar paatee. Leather ke mere badan ko lagne par ek zor ki awaaz aayee aur aisa laga jaise mera poora ka poora badan palang par se uchak gaya hai. Mere badan mein thar-tharahatein hone lagi jab muhje uske khadmon ki aahat aayee. Woh palang ke atraaf se ghoom kar doosri taraf aa raha tha. Mera dimaagh yehi sonchne mein laga hua tha ki woh kaunsi jagah apna doosra waar karegaa. Mere badan ke sab hisse intezaar se thar-tharaa rahge they.

Ek aur awaaz aur is baar mere raanon par. Mujhe apni chhooth ki garmaahat mein ek halka sa farq mehsoos hua. Woh garmi kuchh aur badi, aur maine apna badan uski tarf ek baar phir badhaaya.

Mujhe uski itni zaroorat thi, main uske liye tadap rahi thi. Maine ek awaaz nikaali, ki jaise usse mujhe chhoone ko keh rahi hoon.

Mujhe ek ‘dhad’ si awaaz aayee jab usne woh leather ki lakdi ko neeche phenkaa. Maine ek chain ki saans li aur meri jaan mein jaan aayee. Mujhe phir se uski khadmon ki aahat sunai di aur maine apna chehraa uski taraf kiya, lekin use dekh nahi sakti thi.

Mere honton se ek aah nikli jab usne ungli se woh jagah ko chooa jahan usne abhi abhi mujhe maara tha. Wahan thoda sa mota hogaya tha aur usne apni ungli woh poori jagah par sehlaaee. Mera badan phir se uski taraf uthne laga.

Uski ungliyaan jab mere badan par se uth gayeen to mujhe ek sard sa ehsaas hua. Main palang par wapas gir padi, mera badan uski ek aur chhooan ke liye taras raha tha.

Meri chhooth kachhi ho chuki thi, rele naikal kar neeche ki chadar ko geeli kar rahe they. Main jab bhi thoda sa hilti to mujhe woh geelapan mehsoos ho raha tha. Woh geelapan hi ek ajab si garmi paida kar raha tha mere andar, aur mujhe lag raha tha ki mera badan, meri chhooth uske liye poori khul kar pesh ho rahi thi. Mere apne geelepan ki khushboo mujhe aa rahi thi.

Mujhe ek thandi si cheez ka ehsaas hua, jab usne meri chhooth par kuch lagaya. Woh use wahaan halke se mal raha tha aur us cheez ka gol waala taraf mere andar daala. Maine apne aap ko palang par se utha diya aur koshish ki ke woh mere aur andar daal de. Mere honton se ajeeb si awaazein nikal rahi thi jab woh lu*d mere andar poora chala gaya aur phir usne nikaal liya.

Maine apne poore badan ko sambhaala aur wapas palang par gir gayee. Mujhe uski hasee sunai di aur usne phir se woh mere andar daala, bas thoda sa, aur phir nikaal liya. Woh geela sa lu*d usne mere ch**th ke oopar sehlaaya, woh saari geeli awaazein meri kaanon mein goonj rahi thi. Usne woh mujhe lagaaya aur mere honton se ek halki si awaaz nikli.

Usne phir us lu*d ko hataa liya aur main waheen apne hi geelepan mein padi thi. Main apne ungliyon ki mutthi bana kar khol rahee thi, pata nahi ki woh ab kya karegaa. Mujhe woh chahiye tha, mere andar.

Usne ek ungli se meri peeth ko chua, aur woh ungli poora neeche se oopar le gaya . Mujhe ye ab bardaasht ke bahar ho raha tha, mujhe chhoot chahiye thi.

“Please,” maine use kaha. “Please, abhi.”

Uski ukngliyaan mujh par se uth gayee aur woh mere peechhe aa gaya . Meine apne aap ko utha diya, kujhe bilkul pata tha ke main use kaisi lag rahi thi. Maine apni chhooth uski taraf badhaaee, ke woh mujhe chhooey, mere andar samaa jaaye.

Mujhe uske kapde utaarne ki awaaz aayee. Mujhe bahot khushi hui ki jab maine sochaa kea age kya hogaa. Saara palang hilne laga jab woh us par chad gaya aur mere oopar aa gaya ; uske haath mere dono taraf they. Muhje uska mota sa lu*d meri geeli chhooth par hone ka ehsaas hua.

Main uski taraf hati ke woh mere andar aa jaaye. Woh wapas hat gaya, mujhe sattane kaga, aur halke se apne lu*d se meri chhooth ko maara. Uska lu*d mujhe wahaan lagaa aur main us ko lag kar hilne lagi, use apni chhooth se malne lagi.

Usne phir apna lu*d mere andar daala, poora ka poora mere badan ke andar dhakel diya. Meri honton se ek cheekh nikal gayee jab usne mujhe bhar diya, uska mota lu*d meri geeli chhooth mein araam se aage peechey hilne laga aur meri saansein tez hone lagi.

Main uske saath saath aage peeche hil rahi thi. Hamarey badan paseene se geele ho chuke they. Mere saare badan mein ek hulchul si hone lagi jab chhoot ki pehli lahar mere badan mein se daudi.

Mere haath payr thar-tharaane lage, aisa lag raha tha ki saare badan mein se bijli daud gayee. Mera saare badan uske neeche hil raha tha jaise mujhe mukti mili.

Woh to aur zor se andar bahar hilne laga, aur meri chhooth ab aur bhi nazuk ho gayee thee, har chhoti si jagah par main mehsoos kar rahi thi, jahaan bhi woh mujhe chhoo raha tha.

Mujhe uski saansein sunai de rahi thi, tez hoti hui aur phir uska hilna ekdam se band ho gaya . Uska mota lu*d mere andar mujhe mehsoos ho raha tha aur phir mujhe uska saara geelapan apne andar chhootne ka ehsaas hua.

Maine meri chhooth uske lu*d ke atraaf lapet li, aur sab kuchh usmein se nichod liya. Usne mere kaan mein ek aaraam-deh awwaz nikaali, uska badan thar-tharaana band hua aur woh mere oopar gir gaya .

Meri saansein bhi abhi tak thami nahi thi aur jab woh mere andar se apna lu*d nikaalne laga to maine apni chhooth uske atraaf band karli, aur zor se nichodne ke liye.

Maine apna badan uski taraf utha diya. Main nahi chahti thi ki owh apna lu*d meri chhooth mein se nikaley.

“Mujhe thande paani se nahaana hai,” usne dheere se mere kaan mein kaha. “Phir hum wapas shuru kareinge.”

“Theek hai,” maine kaha, palang par aaraam se apne aap ko jamaate hue.

Mera badan waise hi intezaar mein bechain thar-tharaata raha aur woh kamre se bahar chala gaya . Maine apni aankhon par ki patti ke andar hi apni aankhen band kar li aur sochne lagi ke woh aage kya karegaa....................................................................... sajida noor

........******** sajida_noor@yahoo.com********..................

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